Once again, the folks over at SOSH got their little weenies all hot and bothered early on....
"Red Sox should win."
"They put Trumbo in RF?? That should be fun"
(Pedro side bar: you have NO IDEA how much fun it would be)
Then, Papi, the resident Boston Douche Bag that all SOSH DB's aspire to be like, turned the site into a poorly-organized splooge fest....
"PAPI!"
"PAPI!!"
"PAPI!"
(you get the idea)
"Edited: Fuck it, I choose to be positive tonight."
(you poor misguided bastard)
“Clay's cruising. Baltimore isn't going to score.”
(uh huh)
So, the game carries on and JJ lights up The Hardy Pole for the first time
“Oh screw you, Hardy.”
“Well the lead lasted longer than I thought it would.”
“Utter bullshit. He should have been struck out if blue had any clue what a strike zone is. Fuck.”
“Man, I thought Clay was doing so well, then I looked away for a minute.”
The Sox score again, and once again, all is right in their world
(on Buchholz) “He's looked very good.” (hehe)
“MOOKIE!”
“We love you Mookie, oh yes we do......”
“The future's so bright I gotta wear shades ”
“Ortiz is going deep again this inning. I feel it.”
“Thanks for the gift O's”
“Bye-bye Birdie, amirite?” (this person should probably be banned, every time they end a post with “amirite” something awful happens to them. Which leads me to….)
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“C'mon, Blake. You need to make those.”
“it's ok you guys. this team is made up of fighters. they're gonna fight back”
“Well thanks Swihart, the SOB should have been out.”
“Fuck you too, Trumbo.”
“How do you like your #2 starter?”
(of course, they’re now fed up with Swihart, time to get rid of him)
“Calling Vasquez, are you ready?”
“I hate everything, and by everything I mean Clay Buchholz. He fucking sucks.”
Let’s fast forward to the next JJ Hardy Pole lighting, shall we?
“This is an awful baseball team.
Papi doesn't deserve this shit.”
(yes, he does)
“Farrell is putrid dog ass. Using your worst two relievers in a 1 run game. So sick.
Can't get fired soon enough.”
“Fuck baseball.”
“You've got to fucking be kidding me with that shit! Those 2 homers are absolute horseshit”
“I can't believe people actually bought the hype of this team being able to contend this year. The rotation still sucks even with Price, the bullpen will be shot by May, and the offense can't score enough runs every night to cover up the pitching. Also no leadership and no ability to pitch through adversity. Once shit hits the fan, they give up huge innings almost every time. This is a below .500 baseball team.”
“Remember how fun they were to watch with Lovullo last year?”
“I'll give to the end of the month but I'm just not spending a third straight summer watching a terrible baseball team. Feel free to call me a shitty fan or whatever, but there is absolutely no patience left for me, personally.”
“This staff is going to give up 6-7 runs every game. That's a lot of pressure on the offense, not to mention our collective blood pressure.”
“Hey, look on the bright side... we all get to watch Joe Kelly pitch tomorrow!!!”
Then they get a glimmer of hope, just because we love fucking with them
“I am really growing to hate the challenge. MLB had the right idea in the first place limiting it to border calls.
Also, fuck Buck Showalter”
“papee”
“I believe I'm on a MLB TV delay.
That hit by Papi is a homer in almost every other park right?”
(who cares)
“Young will HR”
(doubt it!)
“Young fucking sucks.”
“Great move, John!”
And the denouement!
“fuck off Buck”
“Way to go Jackie, put us out of our misery quicker. And Showalter you're kidding right now making a pitching change!”
“Really Buck? Lick my taint”
(man, I don’t think Buck is gonna be bought any Sam Adams in Boston this summer)
“Up by four runs, two outs in the bottom on the ninth and this overmanaging ballbag decides to make a pitching change.
He truly is a shithead.”
“Just got in. What happened?”
“Our pitching sucks and our manager is a moron. On a surprising note, CB Bucknor had a solid night calling balls and strikes, I thought.”
“The Sox are now below .500, and I have a nagging feeling they won't see it again this season.”
“I can't understand why Torontonians boo Farrell every time he's back. I'd be thrilled if he skipped town and ruined a division rival for years.”
GOOD NIGHT BSL!
