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What is the right thing to do?


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#21 Mike in STL

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Posted 17 June 2016 - 10:41 PM

Mike, your job situation is obviously the hold up here.

I will say this...based off of what you say, it sounds to me that your heart and head say to take your dads place and sell yours.

If your wife agrees with that, you probably have found your answer right there.

That is pretty much where I'm at. 


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#22 Mike in STL

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Posted 17 June 2016 - 10:54 PM

Well, he's just gonna let things coast for as long as possible... he doesn't wanna make a decision... other people want him to make a decision, but he just wants to keep on living in the basement... so, the idea that he has to decide before you can decide, well, that doesn't add up to me... I vote for you not waiting on him to decide... you have to decide what you want without putting him first... he can put him first and decide what he wants to do, but it sounds like he won't do that... so, regardless of all the complications, get clear about whether you want that house or not without waiting on him....

 

Given the uncertainty regarding your own finances, it's nuts for you to be subsidizing him to the tune of $300/mo... doesn't mean you pull the plug tomorrow, but it does mean that you have to set some kind of limit, with everybody knowing exactly what it is... he's not gonna do it for you, he'll be happy for you to chip in $300/mo forever.  This might mean that the house has to go on the market to be sold if he can't cover the $300 that you cannot afford to keep paying for him...

 

ps:  How much can he afford?  http://www.myhomeloa...urce=m0302&ad=1

According to that calculator, he probably won't get a loan.

 

I'm just going to have to be honest with him. Not going to pay him forever. Maybe call it one more month, like a "30-days notice", then thats it. Give him until i know my job status to execute a plan.


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#23 SportsGuy

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Posted 18 June 2016 - 09:11 AM

That is pretty much where I'm at. 

Then you have your answer.

 

If that's where you want to be and selling your existing home and moving in there is what is the best decision for you, that's what probably has to be done.

 

You can't continue to flush $300 down the toilet every month.  I don't care what your job situation is.


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#24 Icterus galbula

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Posted 18 June 2016 - 09:27 AM

Its tough when money and family mingle. Don't know what the answer is regarding who takes over the title or whether its sold, but I agree with Rob and Shack that subsidizing your brother 300 a month doesn't make any sense.


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#25 Icterus galbula

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Posted 18 June 2016 - 09:31 AM

Also, its definitely some cool ass Lincoln shit that your dad built a log house himself.


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#26 Mackus

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Posted 20 June 2016 - 11:01 AM

How burdensome is the $300 a month on you personally (and how much would it be if your job adds to the complications)? That isn't just money you are paying your brother every month and completely losing, a decent part of the mortgage is principal, and assuming you own 50% of the house, 50% of the principal of that could be over $300 so you could look at it as making an investment (albeit one you can't touch until you sell or at least re-fi), and maybe that argument could help your wife not mind making the payments towards the house quite as much if you are ok financially to continue doing that.

 

Tough situation, man.


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#27 Matt_P

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Posted 20 June 2016 - 11:25 AM

The situation sucks. I'm sorry.

 

I'd just note that if things don't get paid, then it's your credit on the line. If you can afford to give up the $40k in equity in the house that you have, then maybe a quitclaim like CA-Orioles suggests makes sense. As a result, I think you're stuck paying the $300 for the near future.

 

And in part, that's because I'm not sure it will be so easy to sell the house. What if your brother refuses? Depending on the situation, it may be extremely difficult, and require legal action, to force him to sell. And if he can't pay the mortgage, well it just means you lose your equity when the bank forecloses. Trying to force him to do anything could be a very big mistake. Better to negotiate a deal if possible.

 

The other question I'd ask is if you want your wife getting into a fight with your brother and mom? I know the ramifications of that would be bad in my family, but each family is different.


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#28 Mike in STL

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Posted 20 June 2016 - 11:27 AM

How burdensome is the $300 a month on you personally (and how much would it be if your job adds to the complications)? That isn't just money you are paying your brother every month and completely losing, a decent part of the mortgage is principal, and assuming you own 50% of the house, 50% of the principal of that could be over $300 so you could look at it as making an investment (albeit one you can't touch until you sell or at least re-fi), and maybe that argument could help your wife not mind making the payments towards the house quite as much if you are ok financially to continue doing that.
 
Tough situation, man.



Yup. Anytime its family, emotions, money involved, it's walking a tight rope.

The gist is we (my brother) will have to do something with the house in the next 2 months. He gets a loan, unlikely. Pending my job, I can get a loan. If I lose my job, he doesn't get a loan, we sell. I predict my salary going entry level into something new is practically cut in half. So the $300 will hamstring our budget since I doubt I can get into anything decent. Pretty much starting over. A firemans background means I'm qualified to water plants, wash cars, and climb ladders to get a kids frisbee off the roof. I have EMT skills, maybe can drive for a private ambulance service.

I've been through a boot camp, then a fire academy. At 31, I'm not spending 6 more months in another academy for another jurisdiction having some 23 year old make me do push ups for no reason other than he can.

Basically, I can afford the $300 now. If I'm starting fresh in something else come August, not so much.

We talked this weekend and I expressed how important it is to get the ball rolling. I'm giving him one more payment, so it's like a 30-days notice thing. No suprises. But given the uncertain future, thats it. He understands.
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#29 Mike in STL

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Posted 20 June 2016 - 11:32 AM

The situation sucks. I'm sorry.
 
I'd just note that if things don't get paid, then it's your credit on the line. If you can afford to give up the $40k in equity in the house that you have, then maybe a quitclaim like CA-Orioles suggests makes sense. As a result, I think you're stuck paying the $300 for the near future.
 
And in part, that's because I'm not sure it will be so easy to sell the house. What if your brother refuses? Depending on the situation, it may be extremely difficult, and require legal action, to force him to sell. And if he can't pay the mortgage, well it just means you lose your equity when the bank forecloses. Trying to force him to do anything could be a very big mistake. Better to negotiate a deal if possible.
 
The other question I'd ask is if you want your wife getting into a fight with your brother and mom? I know the ramifications of that would be bad in my family, but each family is different.



I'd rather not have my family and my wife get into it. My family is laid back, small, welcoming, nice people. We don't have confrontations ever. I have gotten suggestions to geta contract, a deal, something in writing, in case things go south. But my brother is pretty understanding. Just slow moving to get things done.

If the next few months bring about decisions we can't agree to, I will go that route so all bases are covered.
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#30 Nigel Tufnel

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Posted 20 June 2016 - 11:46 AM

I think you said the mortgage/taxes are $1,500 a month.  Since the house is 50% yours, you should be paying half of that.  But, since your brother is living there and you aren't, he should be paying you rent.  So, if $1,000 (just picking a number) is a fair rent, then you should probably be paying $250 a month ($1,500 - 50% x $1,000).  I guess your Mom living there complicates things, though, since half of her rent should probably go to you. But, depending on the numbers, it isn't outrageous for you to be paying something every month, despite not living there.

 

If you want to live there long-term, but not short-term, then maybe your brother and Mom living in the house for the next couple of years would actually be good for you.  Can he just continue to pay on the existing mortgage indefinitely, or will there be consequences if the bank finds him out?

 

I guess you also don't want him talking your Mom into cosigning a mortgage, and potentially ruining her credit.

 

I guess the other thing to think about is how likely it is that you could ruin your relationship with your brother over this.  Whatever happens, you don't want to do that.



#31 RShack

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Posted 20 June 2016 - 01:04 PM

I'd just note that if things don't get paid, then it's your credit on the line. 

 

No... he said the loan is left over from his Dad... it's not his credit, it's the credit of his late father... 

 

I agree with you about the complication regarding his interest in the house... but it's also clear that there's multiple levels of complication going on here, and that his brother is being a significant Inertia Factor

 

The alternative to him applying pressure is that his brother will happily have him chipping in $300/month for God-knows how many years...

 

Here's a key question I should have asked earlier:  Who is executor?  (= Who has decision-making power about the estate?)


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#32 Mike in STL

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Posted 20 June 2016 - 01:28 PM

Here's a key question I should have asked earlier:  Who is executor?  (= Who has decision-making power about the estate?)



Our aunt, his sister. But she's staying out of it. I guess unless we cant agree things.
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#33 Matt_P

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Posted 20 June 2016 - 01:35 PM

No... he said the loan is left over from his Dad... it's not his credit, it's the credit of his late father... 

 

I agree with you about the complication regarding his interest in the house... but it's also clear that there's multiple levels of complication going on here, and that his brother is being a significant Inertia Factor

 

The alternative to him applying pressure is that his brother will happily have him chipping in $300/month for God-knows how many years...

 

Here's a key question I should have asked earlier:  Who is executor?  (= Who has decision-making power about the estate?)

 

You're right that it doesn't impact his credit. My fault.

 

In any event, it sounds like Mike has this handled. He's talked with his brother and they've came up with a reasonable plan to address the situation. After that, they can discuss how best to sell the house if necessary.



#34 Mike in STL

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Posted 20 June 2016 - 01:45 PM

I think you said the mortgage/taxes are $1,500 a month.  Since the house is 50% yours, you should be paying half of that.  But, since your brother is living there and you aren't, he should be paying you rent.  So, if $1,000 (just picking a number) is a fair rent, then you should probably be paying $250 a month ($1,500 - 50% x $1,000).  I guess your Mom living there complicates things, though, since half of her rent should probably go to you. But, depending on the numbers, it isn't outrageous for you to be paying something every month, despite not living there.
 
If you want to live there long-term, but not short-term, then maybe your brother and Mom living in the house for the next couple of years would actually be good for you.  Can he just continue to pay on the existing mortgage indefinitely, or will there be consequences if the bank finds him out?
 
I guess you also don't want him talking your Mom into cosigning a mortgage, and potentially ruining her credit.
 
I guess the other thing to think about is how likely it is that you could ruin your relationship with your brother over this.  Whatever happens, you don't want to do that.



True. That's kind of why I have contributed.

Consequences if the bank finds out. According to our lawyer, the bank will then send notices to creditors, and they come out from all over the place. They can take their debt out of the estate. Once it's refinanced in one of our names, or sold, they can't. Because it's officially not my dad's anymore.

Basically, our lawyer said he's not worried about my dad's credit anymore. So if creditors from hospital bills and who knows where call the house, it's "he's not here", hang up.

Don't understand it all. Sounds shady. But that's what we were told to do. The big one is a $33,000 medivac ride he needed to get from Carroll County to University very quickly. Insurance looks to cover only $2,500. So our Lawyer is most worried about them coming after the house to get their $30k.

I guess he can get them to take a significantly, much lower amount if Its just my brother and I footed with the bill. Maybe he negotiates with the insurance company to cover more. Maybe the creditor settles instead of going to court. But if they can get $30K from the estate, they will go after and easily get all of it.
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#35 Matt_P

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Posted 20 June 2016 - 02:15 PM

Don't understand it all. Sounds shady. But that's what we were told to do. The big one is a $33,000 medivac ride he needed to get from Carroll County to University very quickly. Insurance looks to cover only $2,500. So our Lawyer is most worried about them coming after the house to get their $30k.

 

Actually, I'm going to take back what I wrote. This situation has become extremely complicated. If you don't fully understand, then you probably need to talk it out with your lawyer until you do.


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#36 DuffMan

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Posted 21 June 2016 - 08:49 AM

I'd rather not have my family and my wife get into it. My family is laid back, small, welcoming, nice people. We don't have confrontations ever. I have gotten suggestions to geta contract, a deal, something in writing, in case things go south. But my brother is pretty understanding. Just slow moving to get things done.

If the next few months bring about decisions we can't agree to, I will go that route so all bases are covered.

Well I guess that rules out a Ladder Match between you and your brother with the deed hanging from the rafters...


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