59 replies to this topic

[You Play to Win the Game]

At 6 it's not going to teach them anything one way or the other. Commitment isn't a term they can grasp that young.

 

Also, there's a huge difference between pretending to be miserable and actually being miserable.

 

I don't know enough about child psychology, though it interests me greatly. I'll have to do some research, but I'd think 6 years old is old enough to start learning lessons like that. Given your wife's experience, she might have more insight on that type of stuff though?

[You Play to Win the Game]

You hit on my fear and there's a history here for me too.

 

When I was 7, I played little league baseball.  One night during a game, the other team had a pitcher who I thought threw really hard.  I was afraid to face him.

 

When it was my at-bat I refused to go up to the plate.  The coaches pleaded with me but I was too afraid.

 

Next thing I knew, the umpire called me out and my team got upset with me.  This still haunts me today.

 

That's rough. I got hit my first pitch in human pitch baseball, and ever since couldn't stay in on the plate and make good contact. I'd pull out every time (that's what she said), and sort of flinch. Sucks. I was never able to over come that, and I freakin' loved baseball. I tore up machine pitch, too.

[Miller192]

I get the health aspect of it as well.  My wife and I had that fear going into and we still do but I think we did enough due diligence to at least be somewhat comfortable with him playing.  We spoke with his doctor and I spoke to a Ravens staff doctor and I think he will be ok.

 

I'm not saying football is safe but that we are comfortable enough for him to be playing right now.

[Miller192]

How long have they been practicing for so far this year?

 

He has had one full week (3 days) then missed a week because of vacation and tonight is his last practice this week.  He goes twice a week starting next week.

[Miller192]

At 6 it's not going to teach them anything one way or the other. Commitment isn't a term they can grasp that young.

 

Also, there's a huge difference between pretending to be miserable and actually being miserable.

 

He probably won't grasp the real concept of commitment but I think there is still value in teaching him to stick this out.

[DuffMan]

He has had one full week (3 days) then missed a week because of vacation and tonight is his last practice this week.  He goes twice a week starting next week.

Do you think maybe the week off for vacation could have gotten him out of the routine/habit of it?  It might be easier once it drops down to 2 days a week.  Maybe as some sort of middle ground between quitting now and playing the whole season is ask him to stick it out for 1 or 2 games.  Once he's playing in an actual games he might not mind the practices so much.

 

Ultimately I agree with what Jeremy said earlier though,  about this is your kid so don't worry at all about what others think is right or wrong.

[JeremyStrain]

I don't know enough about child psychology, though it interests me greatly. I'll have to do some research, but I'd think 6 years old is old enough to start learning lessons like that. Given your wife's experience, she might have more insight on that type of stuff though?

 

It was actually one of my majors in college (double major Psych-HR).

 

Not to mention once you actually have them you start to get a feel for when they start to really get things. Sure they can associate if I do this, then I get this, but they don't UNDERSTAND why. Same thing with commitment, you can tell them til you are blue in the face that it's something they have to do when they say they are going to do something, but until they develop enough empathy to get the part about letting other people down (and they have to be emotionally vested in those people or teammates, if they are strangers, there's nothing to care about besides pride, and they REALLY don't get that yet) then it's just empty words.

 

You can't use your own traumatic experiences and regrets shape your decisions though, because that's trying to re-live your life through his. You have to let him tell you what is best for him, and if he is so miserable and distraught all you are going to do is weaken his trust in you.

 

Again, your kid, and you are the only one that will know if he's just trying to get out of putting in effort, or if he really doesn't like it, but either way this lesson has a double edged sword and trying to teach him a lesson by doing something he doesn't want to do (especially as trivial as playing a sport) can start to negatively impact your relationship. Kids at that age trust us so completely and blindly that they just can't understand why we are "punishing" them by forcing them to do something they don't like.

[Oriole85]

When it's your kid it's all rules out the window, what people think are acceptable and whatnot.
 
I'd say if he's THAT miserable, take him out. As long as he likes to do other active things, and he's not just trying to get out of it for having to be active, it's hard to be too upset with him. Not every sport is for everyone, and there is nothing more painful for a parent than seeing a kid miserable being forced to do something their parents want them to do.
 
I have to face something similar with my girls with soccer, the older one loves the social side of it, and just wants to hang out and play with her friends, but she has no interest in the competitive serious side she has to do as she gets older (this coming season).
 
I'd say if he likes the baseball thing and he's not complaining there, then take him at his word and let him out. If he changes his mind and tries to talk you into it another year that's a whole different set of circumstances, but I hate when parents force kids to play a sport because they liked it, no two kids are the same.
 
Forget the trying to teach him a lesson about commitment, he's 6 years old, he's too young for it to mean anything yet. Some kids will be miserable when doing the conditioning and whatnot, but have a GREAT time when the fun scrimmage and other stuff starts, if he's still not enjoying those drills and things, he just doesn't like the sport, maybe he'll pick it up later, or just won't be a football kid. It's totally fine either way.

I totally agree with you on kids being different and not everything is for everyone. I got three younger brothers and were as different as four guys can be coming from the same parents -- academically, socially, athletically, you name it.

[Miller192]

Do you think maybe the week off for vacation could have gotten him out of the routine/habit of it?  It might be easier once it drops down to 2 days a week.  Maybe as some sort of middle ground between quitting now and playing the whole season is ask him to stick it out for 1 or 2 games.  Once he's playing in an actual games he might not mind the practices so much.

 

Ultimately I agree with what Jeremy said earlier though,  about this is your kid so don't worry at all about what others think is right or wrong.

 

I do think the week off kinda hurt him.  I told him it was going to be like starting all over again.  I even brought his helmet on vacation with us so he could wear it, but of course he didn't.

[bnickle]

I'd probably give it a little more time and see if he starts to find some comfort level.

 

Just on a personal level. I'm someone who's also wanted to try different things in life but I'm naturally shy and timid and nervous with new things. I can tell you that the first few times of anything I've often been a mess internally. I had to fight that feeling to walk away. I had to learn to stick it out and reevaluate after awhile. There were many times where Im so glad I stuck things out and I'm not ashamed to say there were times where I'm content that I walked away. But I had to learn to give everything a real chance.

 

 

Obviously,as a 6 yr old you're not going to be that self aware and  introspective. So yeah, it's on you to figure it out. It's impossible to get into his mind but I would try to use my best judgement to tell at what point it's not just a matter of him getting comfortable and it's really just  not for him. If you feel it gets to that point, there is no shame in letting him walk away.

[JeremyStrain]

He probably won't grasp the real concept of commitment but I think there is still value in teaching him to stick this out.

 

Yeah I get that, I had a terrible time getting the 4 year old to finish soccer camp this year. She was over it by the 4th day, and I made her finish out the last day.

 

Still, did he come to you and ask you to sign him up for football or did you tell him he was going to play and signed him up for it?

 

Do you think you would push him so hard to do it if he wasn't as big as he is? Say if he were small-ish for his age?

[SportsGuy]

The one thing I would worry about is does he not give it his all on the field and does that lead to an injury?

 

At age 6, its not like they are tackling hard, so that may not be much of an issue but you never know.

[SportsGuy]

Could always pull him out but immediately put him in something else.

[Russ]

I will say this though from having kids in other sports, the concussion thing is taken very seriously now. You can't equate football from when we (I'm 36 now) played. I remember coaches grabbing my facemask and yanking me up off my feet, being screamed and cursed at when I was 7, having water breaks withheld if we screwed up. It's not like that now. I am reasonably certain I've had >10 concussions in my life and I've been through some "dark periods" of self-destruction and it makes me wonder if my head trauma and concussions from when I was younger played a part in that.

[Miller192]

Yeah I get that, I had a terrible time getting the 4 year old to finish soccer camp this year. She was over it by the 4th day, and I made her finish out the last day.

 

Still, did he come to you and ask you to sign him up for football or did you tell him he was going to play and signed him up for it?

 

Do you think you would push him so hard to do it if he wasn't as big as he is? Say if he were small-ish for his age?

 

He came to us about playing.  His friends in the neighborhood are on the same team and he wanted to play with them.  He does like football and like to watch Ravens games as well.

 

When he came to us, we actually grilled him a little bit on it before and talked to doctors etc before we signed him up.  So I feel like it was a well thought out decision and he never wavered on playing when there was plenty of time to.

 

I'm not really pushing him.  I'm just trying to be supportive of him and help him realize some things that he might not realize.  For instance, last night he thought he wasn't going to be playing baseball because of football.  We don't know where that came from.

 

I do draw the line sometimes.  Last night he wanted to quit and I told him we weren't leaving and that he would have to finish practice.  He finished practice strong and made a couple of nice plays that the coaches gave him high fives for.  That seemed to help.  Then we went out for slurpees with the other kids.

[Miller192]

I will say this though from having kids in other sports, the concussion thing is taken very seriously now. You can't equate football from when we (I'm 36 now) played. I remember coaches grabbing my facemask and yanking me up off my feet, being screamed and cursed at when I was 7, having water breaks withheld if we screwed up. It's not like that now. I am reasonably certain I've had >10 concussions in my life and I've been through some "dark periods" of self-destruction and it makes me wonder if my head trauma and concussions from when I was younger played a part in that.

Well, I'm pretty sure of this Russ: This will be his last year playing football.

 

If anyone is curious I did speak with a Ravens staff doctor and he felt that we should really worry the year before high school and upwards.  He said concussions begin to surface when kids start losing the fundamentals and try to hard to make plays.

[Miller192]

The one thing I would worry about is does he not give it his all on the field and does that lead to an injury?

 

At age 6, its not like they are tackling hard, so that may not be much of an issue but you never know.

 

I worry about that too.

[JeremyStrain]

He came to us about playing.  His friends in the neighborhood are on the same team and he wanted to play with them.  He does like football and like to watch Ravens games as well.

 

When he came to us, we actually grilled him a little bit on it before and talked to doctors etc before we signed him up.  So I feel like it was a well thought out decision and he never wavered on playing when there was plenty of time to.

 

I'm not really pushing him.  I'm just trying to be supportive of him and help him realize some things that he might not realize.  For instance, last night he thought he wasn't going to be playing baseball because of football.  We don't know where that came from.

 

I do draw the line sometimes.  Last night he wanted to quit and I told him we weren't leaving and that he would have to finish practice.  He finished practice strong and made a couple of nice plays that the coaches gave him high fives for.  That seemed to help.  Then we went out for slurpees with the other kids.

 

Yeah that's the big factor then. If he came to you, I think you're right. Just tell him sorry, but this is what he wanted to do with his friends, and this part he hates is all part of it (even though it will get easier when the games start soon).

 

You know how they are at that age, it's so hard to rationalize with them and get them to see past their emotional reactions. I think you're right though, if he started this process, just explain this was what he wanted to do, and he doesn't have to do it again after the season if he doesn't like it, but football this week, and football 2 weeks from now are going to be totally different things too.

 

It's just tough to see them so unhappy, I feel your pain there. Good luck man, hope you get through it ok.

[Miller192]

Yeah that's the big factor then. If he came to you, I think you're right. Just tell him sorry, but this is what he wanted to do with his friends, and this part he hates is all part of it (even though it will get easier when the games start soon).

 

You know how they are at that age, it's so hard to rationalize with them and get them to see past their emotional reactions. I think you're right though, if he started this process, just explain this was what he wanted to do, and he doesn't have to do it again after the season if he doesn't like it, but football this week, and football 2 weeks from now are going to be totally different things too.

 

It's just tough to see them so unhappy, I feel your pain there. Good luck man, hope you get through it ok.

 

Thanks.  It sucks to know he's not really having fun right now.

 

We'll see.  My wife thinks he's going to change his mind in a couple of weeks and really like it.

[Russ]

Yeah that's the big factor then. If he came to you, I think you're right. Just tell him sorry, but this is what he wanted to do with his friends, and this part he hates is all part of it (even though it will get easier when the games start soon). You know how they are at that age, it's so hard to rationalize with them and get them to see past their emotional reactions. I think you're right though, if he started this process, just explain this was what he wanted to do, and he doesn't have to do it again after the season if he doesn't like it, but football this week, and football 2 weeks from now are going to be totally different things too. It's just tough to see them so unhappy, I feel your pain there. Good luck man, hope you get through it ok.

Thanks. It sucks to know he's not really having fun right now. We'll see. My wife thinks he's going to change his mind in a couple of weeks and really like it.

She's probably right. Once the games start, football gets fun.